The Scares of Parenthood

I stink at posting regularly.

Lots has happened since Christmas.  We took a trip to Falls City, Nebraska last month (farm town where I was born, hence the name of my blog) where we spent time with my parents, my grandparents, and my Great Grandpa Joe Darling.  Will has 5 generation photos with his grandpa's grandpa.  Awesome.  We had a great time visiting.  Other than Will not sleeping well, which is par for the course these days, the trip was very restful.

The week we returned to Denver, my uncle Keith, Grandma K, and cousin Joni were visiting.  It is fun to be living near so much family, because it means we get to see even more family (from out of town) when they come to visit.  It was great to catch up with Joni after not talking for so long and to spend time with them all.

The end of that week is the cause for this post title.  I took a break from work to meet Megan and Will and have lunch with my uncle, cousin, grandma, and aunt before several of them headed home.  Since he is almost 9 months old, we pretty much feed Will bits of anything these days (though 95% of his food is made by his awesome mama).  I headed back to work, and Megan and Will headed home.  An hour later I was about to head into a meeting and Megan called saying that Will was throwing up everywhere - throwing up, not spitting up -- and he had never done this before.  I was very disoriented by the call and said I had to head into a meeting (it was hard to hear what was going on because Will was screaming and I had people talking to me at my desk).  I was thinking I'd have a 20 minute meeting and call back in a bit. 

Well, the more I thought about it the more I realized I had made exactly the wrong choice in that moment.  I had designated work a higher priority than my wife who sounded very nervous and my son who sounded very sick.  So I called back.  Twice.  No answer meant that Megan was on the phone with someone else, which meant this situation was not good.  I finally got through and Megan said her Aunt Mary (a retired nurse who recently moved back to Denver and lives .6 miles from us) was on her way over, and that Will had thrown up more and was shaking.  Megan said she'd call me back in a few minutes with an update. 

My meeting at work was postponed so I quickly called again.  Megan and Mary were packing Will into the car to head to the doctors.  Apparently a rash was quickly spreading over his body.  I knew immediately what this meant:  allergic reaction to something.  I felt MUCH better knowing Mary was there and that they were heading to the doctor, but still felt badly that I hadn't been much help the first time Megan called.  After we hung up I decided to head to the doctor's office to make sure everything was OK. 

As soon as I arrived at the doctor's office, I was glad I had come.  Will was covered in bright red rash from head to toe, and he looked miserable.  He looked exactly as I had looked when I discovered that I was allergic to shellfish in 2007 - red, swollen, and extremely uncomfortable.  The poor little guy had bloody marks on his nose and chest from scratching himself.  I reached out for him and as soon as I had him he immediately curled up into a little ball in my arms (our boy is not generally a cuddler).  After a couple of failed attempts at an IV, my overhearing the doctors and nurses talk about how serious the case was, and my realizing I was in shock and feeling like I could throw up, faint, or start bawling at any second, we were told an ambulance was on the way to rush Will to the ER.  Not exactly the words any parent wants to hear from their pediatrician.

The allergist made the call because Will's rash was not alleviating (he threw up the Benadryl they gave him) and at times his lips looked pale.  We know this was the right call to make and glad they took every precaution. We simultaneously also keep reminding ourselves that we can't panic when we get the bill (the hospital was one block away from the peds office).  Thankfully, we were only in the ER for a couple of hours.  After two more attempts at an IV, one was finally successful (5 tries!), which got Will the steroids he needed and reduced the swelling very quickly. 

The culprit:  Eggs.  And maybe milk.  He tested positive to both, and we're 100% certain he is allergic to eggs.  We'll have to test milk products whenever we're brave enough to do so  (we can do this at the allergy office, thank goodness).  We're hoping he grows out of the allergies, but mostly feeling very relieved that at least now we know what to watch for. 

Now we have grown up epi-pens in the house for daddy and mini-epis for Will.  Here's to hoping we never need to use either of them.

First post of 2012

It has been almost five months since my last post. I think there is a strong correlation with the fact that my son turned five months old yesterday. Here are a few pictures of him:

There are loads of other pictures from the past several months, along with some very fun videos at Megan's flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/megancornwell.

At five months, Will smiles a lot. He also giggles (mommy gets these out of him more easily than daddy). He likes to stand up. He rolls over from his stomach to his back and is almost able to roll the other way. He drools. A lot. He is happy when he is awake. He does not sleep well. He is very cuddly when he is tired. He gives big, sloppy wet kisses (or maybe he's trying to nurse from your face - sometimes it is hard to tell). He is not afraid of strangers yet. He likes being naked.  He loves his grandmas and grandpas. He likes to squeal very loudly at an extremely high pitch (we're trying to get him to work on his lower register.) When he gets excited he extends stiff arms and legs and makes a high pitch gurgle sound that sounds to me like a crazy parakeet. 

Having a child has unquestionably changed our lives forever. Will brings new joy and light into our lives every day. I find it remarkable how I can wake up each day - sometimes after only getting a few hours of sleep because of our little boy's restlessness - and feel a deeper love and gratitude for him. I have on more than one occasion come home frustrated from work and immediately begun heatedly telling Megan about some incident that has angered me, and suddenly noticed Will's big blue eyes and ear to ear grin welcoming daddy home. There is no better tonic to help a guy gain proper perspective on life. 

The biggest challenges of parenthood for me so far have been the loss of sleep (poor Megan suffers far more than I in this department - with Will sometimes waking up every hour) along with trying to balance home life with a ridiculously busy work schedule. Due to some staff changes at KIPP, I have assumed the responsibilities of Director of Accounting, IT, HR, Operations, and any other thing related to the business of running three schools and a central office that you can think of. This is not sustainable and has made for a stressful few months for me. Thankfully, I'm working with a team that understands this and is willing to help find solutions. I'm crossing my fingers for additional help soon. 

We have had lots of visitors. 4 of Will's five uncles have visited (along with his two aunts, his soon to be aunt, and a cousin). The fifth uncle swings into town this week. Will met his great Grandma O'Grady and his Great-Great Grandpa Darling in October. His grandparents (Megan and my parents) visit often and have been graciously adept at helping us to get our lives and new house into some semblance of order.  

We like living in Stapleton. We have some great neighbors (we seem to be in the right demographic as five babies were born on our block this summer). I think we're finally starting to feel like we're putting down roots in Denver. The next (and pressing) goal for us is to find a church that we can connect with and commit to being a part of that community.

We spent Christmas in Frisco with Megan's family (we alternate years - this was a Cornwell year).

We had a wonderful time relaxing, making old-fashioneds in honor of Megan's Grandpa Gordon, and watching movies. It is fun to spend the holidays in the mountains -- though sadly there was a lack of snow this year which made the skiing less enjoyable for the skiers.  It was a gift to be able to hand off Will at 6:00AM each morning so that we could get a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep.  We are very blessed to have such a supportive and loving family around us.

Good Will O'Grady

It's a boy!!
William (Will) Gordon O'Grady was born last week at 6lbs and 19.25inches. I was a little surprised to find out that all of those kicks and jabs were coming from a little boy and not a little girl -- what fun to not know until the last minute!

Labor was trying. I consider my wife one of the strongest and most noble people I will ever know. She started having contractions on Saturday afternoon. They were pretty mild, and not overly painful, and we went to bed excited that we may be waking up soon to go to the hospital. About 1:30 or so, a couple of house after we went to bed, Megan woke me up to say that the contractions were stronger and hitting in a more regular pattern. We started timing them, and in a couple of hours they were lasting about a minute and coming 4-6 minutes apart -- so we knew it was time to go. Steve and Jan had just arrived home from the funeral of Megan's Grandfather (Gordon Cornwell) and were spending the night with us. They decided to meet us at the hospital.

By around 3:30am we checked into our birthing suite. We had a TERFFIC nurse who monitored how things were going. The contractions were in Megan's back and were incredibly painful. Before long the doula arrived. After about an hour or two in the hospital, the contractions became incredibly painful, so much so that Megan threw up, but she was not dilating. At that point we had the option of staying in the hospital, partly because Megan had passed her due date, or going home. We were told she could be in this stage of labor for several days, which to me seemed unbearable. Staying in the hospital would have increased the potential of medical intervention (breaking the water, giving Pitocin, etc) so Megan opted to go home, as our intention was to try as much as possible to have a natural birth. She was given an Ambian and we were advised that when she woke up her labor would be stalled or have turned in truly active labor (dilating her cervix).

The Ambian put Megan to sleep, but she woke up for every contraction. At this point they varied between 6-11 minutes and lasted a minute long, and she was in excruciating pain for several more hours. Since we had not slept much the previous night, I laid next to her and in between contractions we would wake up and I would apply counter pressure to her back during the contractions to try and help.

After about 6 hours of this, we realized the pain was intolerable and decided to head back to the hospital. I encouraged Megan to get whatever she needed to alleviate the pain, since it was so constant for so many hours.

To speed the story up: we got to the hospital, and Megan seemed to relax a bit more for an hour or so. The contractions continued as they had been, but she seemed more at peace being there. When examined, we found that the contractions all day Sunday had dilated her two centimeters, putting her officially into 'active labor' and she decided to try to go another few hours without drugs.

Jen Lux, our amazing doula, was present and amazing throughout the entire hospital stay. She knew how to support Megan, talk her through the pain, encourage positions that sped along the contractions, and generally guided Megan and I through the process better than I could have ever imagined. Before long, we knew we were getting close. Jen pushed Megan to try a couple of other positions and after that and a stint in the tub, it was time to push.

Megan endured these final stages with more grace, strength and courage that I believe I will ever have. It was amazing to see the plates of our little son's head emerge slowly and then come together as he entered the world. There was so much commotion the few seconds after he arrived that I couldn't see what I needed in order to announce the gender to Megan -- and then the doctor held his legs to confirm the fact -- he's all boy!

The doctor and nursing staff were unbelievably amazing. The nurse the helped us through the last four hours or so told us that it was a privilege to be a part of our birth, because of how strong Megan was and how we all were able to work as a team.

William is Megan's maternal grandpa who would have been 100 the day that Megan started having contractions (Sat) and Gordon is her paternal grandpa who just passed away.

We are in love with our little Will.

GRACE

The past few weeks I feel like Megan and I have been basting in what is surely more daily recommended stress than the FDA would ever allow. Or the APA. Or whoever recommends those things. Poor Peanut will probably end up being a nervous Nelly/Nelson because of his/her parents.

The stress was amped up in early June, when we were originally set to close on our East Harlem apartment, but there was a last minute delay regarding an insurance policy (the building was covered under an umbrella policy and Fannie Mae wanted it to have an individual policy). We spent weeks emailing the building management company, board president, lawyers, realtors, and bank agents trying to get the issue resolved. In the meantime, we had finally found a house that we both really liked (nice amount of space for the moula, good schools, a backyard, great neighbors) – and we found ourselves in a bidding war less than a week after the house went on the market. The seller was already out of the state and wanted to dump it – AKA GREAT DEAL. So we made an offer, contingent upon the sale of our NYC place (because we needed the cash from that sale in order to buy something else), and we hoped and prayed the NYC apt issues would be resolved before the dates in our contract expired on the Denver house.

Our offer was accepted. However, as it turned out, no one in NYC seemed to care that we would lose our Colorado home if they didn’t resolve the insurance issue on the Harlem apartment. Or that Megan was 9 months pregnant and desperately wanting to settle before the baby came. (She DID shed some tears during a couple of phone calls in the hopes that we could win a sympathy vote from someone.) We were on the phone and/or email daily, sometimes hourly – trying to move the process along. It wasn’t like herding elephants, exactly – more like herding…stubborn, lazy, illiterate elephants. Who can’t write a coherent email. Everyone blamed someone else throughout the entire ordeal (the lawyers blamed the management company for being stubborn, stupid, and slow, the management company didn’t believe the banks and refused to change their policy, the board president didn’t want to make a hasty decision that would cost the building more money, and we blamed EVERYONE (except the board president) for being incompetent, incapable of writing a grammatical sentence in any of their emails, and generally unresponsive to our daily pleas for help.

The cherry on top of all of this for me was that, on the job front, I had to close out the entire year’s financials (over 6 million dollars for 4 entities) in less than two weeks, so that our auditors could come to our office for our annual audit – my first solo audit in any job. The audit is probably the single most significant part of my yearly responsibilities in this position, and I was terrified I was going to be fired for not doing something correctly.

= TOO MUCH STRESS.

I think everything culminated on Saturday the 16th. Megan and I had a pretty good fight (that seemed to wax and wane over several hours.) I was angry all day at everything and Megan cried all day at everything. By dinner we decided to go on a date and we had a nice long talk about what was and wasn’t working in our lives – and how to communicate better in the midst of our stress. Then we went to Harry Potter 3D. Things seemed to take a turn for the better after this. That Elder wand really is something.

Because of God (probably the biggest reason) and our prodding all day long every day (probably the smaller reason), we got a closing date set on the NYC apartment for Tuesday July 19th. Our closing date for the CO house was set for Thursday, July 21st (we never adjusted it from our original offer). Everyone was nervous. There seemed to be obstacles at every turn. The majority of our funds were held in an online HSBC account, and we were initially told that we could not access those funds for well over a week (too late). A second call, in which I spoke with a non-Indian employee, revealed that we could have a certified check over-nighted to us if we paid the Fedex fee (no problem!) Our NYC lawyer refused to wire our proceeds from the Harlem apartment after closing – he said it wasn’t possible (?) - so we had to figure out how to turn the funds around quickly once they got here (if you’re ever in this situation, it turns out you can simply sign over a certified check, that is made out to you, to a title company. Who knew?).
NYC closed on Tuesday, as scheduled. Our lawyer over-nighted our check and faxed the HUD statement to the Colorado title company. Our Colorado house closed on Thursday, as scheduled.

As a side note, and further confirmation that we are living in the right place, everyone in Colorado was patient, helpful, supportive, and competent throughout the entire housing ordeal. Their butts were on the line too, and they were nothing but supportive and kind to us. Closing was a breeze and everyone in the room made fun of the incompetent New Yorkers who literally whited out and hand wrote in numbers on the HUD settlement statement. No one understands why funds couldn’t be wired. Our Denver mortgage rep showed up at closing – though there was nothing for him to sign or to do – simply because he is old school, wanted to meet us, and thinks people should interact more. I sometimes miss the city of New York. But most days I remember that in other parts of the country you don’t have to fight for every single thing that in other places are standard. Like kindness. Like people doing more than the bare minimum required in their jobs –even when it doesn’t serve them. Like wiring money and having computer printers print title documents. I think about these things, and then I release a breath of thanks to God that we live in Colorado. Maybe I’m still just high on the altitude.

To continue our week of GRACE – after the two closings Megan’s parents and my aunt Kathy came to our apartment while I was working and boxed 95% of our belongings. At work, our auditors essentially finished in three days, after complimenting me all week and telling me I should train all of their clients. Megan made us a picnic dinner that we ate on the floor of our NEW HOUSE the night after we closed. I accidentally christened the house by spilling champagne in the living room 5 seconds after we sat down. And about 100 strong and capable movers showed up to help us move in 90 degree heat on Saturday. OK, slight exaggeration on the number of movers – but we had so much help that everything was unloaded in the new house in less than 4 hours after we started at the apartment – and that includes the 30 minute drive between the apartment and the house.

Megan and I keep looking around at (what feels like) a cavernous space and laughing giddily to each other about how weird it is to own a real house. We painted and set up our bedroom (before and after pictures may come, if I am motivated enough). I must confess that it was extremely weird to wake up for work the first morning and walk DOWN THE STAIRS to our kitchen to make coffee. It probably didn’t help that I had to look in every single cupboard to find the coffee and filters.

Baby O’Grady still hasn’t come, but when he/she does, we will have a little more room to move around in – and maybe even a nursery set up.

The guest room (we have a REAL GUEST ROOM!) will be the third in line for painting/setting up – so that our friends and family can come visit!

Weekend in Frisco

One of the blessings of living so close to Frisco is that we can come up for the weekend and enjoy all of the great deals during the "in-between" season (or mud season, as they call it here). Yesterday we had a wonderful 2 for 1 dinner at a fancy restaurant, went on a hike, and benefited from awesome deals on some pretty adorable little gender neutral baby clothes. I have to admit that it was fun to see all of the cute baby clothes...until I quickly realized how much money were were about to drop on clothes the baby won't actually wear for very long (at least not the newborn stuff). At one point, when were deciding whether or not to buy a little baby outfit I said, "This is how much I would spend on a shirt for myself!" So in the end we were disciplined in our purchases, and still got some fun and cute stuff.

It was also great to celebrate Megan today for the first time as a 'mom to be.' I had sneakily purchased a card and little gift this week. This morning when I went down to get everything, my brother Joe texted Megan to tell her happy Mother's Day. Apparently Megan replied to him, "Thanks...you get points because Jeremy hasn't even said anything to me today." Ha! I guess he beat me to the draw. After the gift opening we called both of our moms and then we had a nice brunch at the Butterhorn (everyone's favorite local bfast stop on Main Street). Then we benefited from yet another great deal, a handmade Aspen wood shelf that we will use as a changing table. Fun story: yesterday we went into this really cool shop of handcrafted furniture (most of which was significantly out of our price range). Megan saw a beautiful display shelf with a $79 price tag. She sheepishly asked the sales clerk if the price tag was a mistake, and the woman said, "No, we just want to get rid of it. There is nothing wrong with it but we really just don't like it and it doesn't fit with the rest of the furniture we sell here." We came home and thought about it, measured the space in the back of the Prius, decided it would fit and that we would take a look at it again this morning. So after brunch this morning we went back to the store and there was a different sales clerk -- and no price tag on the shelf. Megan started to explain the conversation we had had with the other clerk yesterday and the man seemed a little bit irritated. He said, "well, yesterday that price tag was just sitting on this shelf and it wasn't meant to be the sales price, but because Brandi (the previous clerk) told you it was, we decided we'd let you have it for that if you came back." Score!! So we purchased a beautiful hand made piece of furniture for a couple hundred dollars less than it should have cost.

After the fun purchase we decided to take a walk along Lake Dillon. I'm attaching some pictures of the beautiful scenery and my beautiful wife.

Baby!

We had our second ultrasound today. You can see our little Peanut's profile here. Except for the fact that Peanut would NOT move to show us his/her left hand, everything appears to be in good shape. We collectively decided to interpret the not moving as a sign that he/she really likes to sleep rather than as a sign that we're going to have a stubborn baby. I did take a gander between the legs and I still couldn't tell what I was (or wasn't) seeing. So the gender will remain a mystery!

Because of a huge consignment sale in Denver last week, we also now have a nice little pile of baby stuff accumulating in the corner of our little apartment...bouncy seat, baby carrier, blow up bathtub, changing mat, mini-diaper bag. We also bought this:




As you can tell, we're very excited and we hope we have a room to set the lamp in someday soon. On that note, we officially mailed off our board packet for the NYC apt. yesterday, so cross your fingers that the board meeting happens soon and that the buyer is approved by both the board and the city. We have a meeting with a realtor on Saturday to check out a couple of neighborhoods in Denver.

Megan has been busy researching cribs, co-sleepers, carseats, the cheapest place to buy diapers (Costco) -- you name it! We're both thankful she has time to get our acts together before Peanut arrives.

I have been missing our former NYC community a ton lately. I don't miss the city at all, but I do miss our friends, our church, and the life that was built over 9 years there. We know it will take time to feel like this is home - and it is becoming home more every day - but it is hard to not meet in midtown to catch up over a drink or coffee. All that to say - come visit!

Half way there!!

I'm a lame blogger. I know. I've been meaning to write more often...but I find it hard to find the discipline to sit down and do it.

Things are moving along quickly here in Denver. I have officially passed the 6 month mark at my job. In looking back to when I started this summer, I realize that I have gained a bit more confidence, but the stress levels are still higher than I was expecting them to be. I'm working on learning to leave the stresses of the job at the job -- although as Megan can attest, I'm not very good at doing this yet. But I'm trying.

And more importantly, we had our 20 week ultrasound this week! Megan's mom joined us at the doctor's office for baby's first home movie. We have decided not to find out the gender of our baby. Well, I say WE decided because Megan doesn't want to know, and I doubt I could keep the secret. This, however, did not keep me from looking intently at the monitor. I saw everything I was supposed to, but sadly I have nothing to report. Reading ultrasound screens accurately will never be a skill on my resume. I know I was looking where I needed to, but I have no idea whether we're having a boy or a girl.

The technician said she knows what we're having. Which was a little bit like torture to hear. Torture in a fun way. I know we'll be happy to be surprised. I think Grandma Marsha, however, was hoping to get a text telling her the baby's gender. Waiting means she has hold off on buying all of the pink or blue things she wants to buy for her next grandaughter or first grandson. :)

The ultrasound went on for quite awhile, which was somewhat surprising to me. It was pretty amazing to see our little alien kick its legs and wiggle its belly. Apparently all of the parts are in the right place and everything is normal. But the technician did not get as good of a view of the baby's heart as she'd have liked, so we will be going back in a few weeks for another ultrasound. We were assured that this does not mean something is wrong. And we're being mostly successful in not stressing out about it. The good news is that I'll have a second chance to get a look at the kid's goods.

Yes, I will be looking intently mom.

You heard it here first!

Newsletter coming via email sometime this weekend...but wanted to share something we presented to our parents for Christmas....